US army to draft anyone with a Call of Duty K/D ratio over 0.38

I believe it was the wise monk known as “Slim Shady” who said, “I’m 28, they gon’ take you fore they take me”. Alas, times have changed. Now they are even making uniforms for 12 year olds who’ve f***d a bunch of stranger’s moms. But more importantly, because lack of willing participants, a draft in place for the next War being drummed up by J. Biden. A hero, recently appointed to 4 star transgender Admiral Rachel Levine tells us:

I doubt Russia could be defeated by a bunch of fortnite hopping, quick scoping, corner camping teenagers. Which is why we’re going to draft only the best — Call of Duty players. Anybody with a high enough killed death ratio automatically gets a free draft card. We need you!

Sadly after A short pilot program there have been some issues. Staff Sergeant D. Fibbi can be seen in the short clip speaking with some new recruits. Here is a transcript. Sgt: “Soldier, Whats the problem…?” Soldier: “There’s no Aim assist. **** This ****, man.” The kinks are still being worked out, but recruiters are reaching out in chat lobbies already as we speak.