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In a crazy turn of events, Chris Chan, backed by several civil liberty groups, was allowed to change his gender to “hedgehog” in the Michigan State Prison system earlier this week.
The ACLU works to ensure that lesbian, gay, furry, pangender, transgender, and other non conforming people can live openly without discrimination and enjoy equal rights, personal autonomy, and freedom of expression and association.
ACLU spokesman Duncan Umom was quoted saying this:
“If Christopher identifies as a hedgehog, who are we to say he’s not a hedgehog? Don’t judge a man until you’ve stepped into his shoes. Hedgehogs are nocturnal and like to eat pinky mice at night, among other things. The prison must accommodate. After several lawsuits in favor of hedgehog people, they have finally agreed to treat Christopher as he believes he is, a fully mature Australian female hedgehog named Rhonda. Pinky mice and tampons will be made available to Christopher, I mean Rhonda, on a nightly basis. We consider this a victory for all trans animal individuals.”
What Christopher did not account for is there being multiple people identifying as hedgehogs in the state penal system. There was yet another hedgehog, a large Australian male by the name of Ron Jeremy, who met a lot of the same requirements as Chris Chan.
Michigan did the right thing by keeping the hedgehogs together, however the prison guards paint a confusing story, suggesting the “female hedgehog” can be heard quite often in the middle of the night, moaning in pain and agony. Apparently the mating process can be “quite aggressive” says Prison Guard Johnathan Morgan. Morgan also States Christopher is in the process of converting back to his human form and requesting a new bunk mate, after several trips to the prison medical staff for reports of “anal leakage” and a rectum that required seven stitches.
If anybody is interested in writing Chris in jail please let us know. We’ll make sure to get his address for you.
