People

NEW YORK – Trump Conglomerate industries announced today an agreement entered for the sale of the much controversial activist group “Black Lives Matter”. “This is big… no, huge” Trump said before driving a 400 yard long drive from the Augusta fairway wearing a gold replica Masters Jacket autographed by Tiger …

Cicero NY – The story is not for the claustrophobic at heart. A dwarfish Man clings to life today in relation to complications from falling into and lodging himself upside down inside of a US postal mailbox in rural Cicero for nearly two days. 37 year old Jonathan Pecor of …

After years of uphill battle, the much persecuted “want-to-be / wannabe” class composed of primarily Caucasian youth has reached an apex. Today Donald Trump has signed into law through executive order, a new bill granting minority status to all Caucasian youth identifying as “Urban”, and or Caucasians with a deep …

Medina – Saudi Arabia. A 12 year-old woman was left in a 1994 Pontiac Bonneville at a downtown hummus Factory for 8 hours today, resulting in her death. The Saudi Arabian authorities state twelve-year-old old Fetite Hannoush died of heat stroke and Hyperthermia after spending almost nine hours locked in …

Terhan – Today executioners for the Disciplinary Force of the Islamic Republic of Iran amputated the left hand of a man over his chronic masturbation habits while observing the religious period Of Ramadan, the most holy of times for Muslims. The most grand of Mosques in the Terhan area was …

Tehran | One of the most famous horses in the movie history, Sea biscuit (real name ‘Two Step Too’) has been stoned to death today for his participation in homosexual acts with another horse considered to be haraam and prohibited by the Qur’ran. The crown price of Iran, Rezs Pahlavi, …

Albany – A 47 year old Catholic priest was rushed to Albany Medical Center today under some deeply private Matters. Father Bobby Capri was admitted shortly after calling 911 to report a fall in the shower and that he “couldn’t get up”. EMT’s noted that Father Capri had just the …

Iran – Dr. Mohammad Saladin and his veteran team of researchers are all smiles today at the Iranian Institute for religious science. Saladin and his team claimed to remove and cure symptoms of homosexuality completely if treated at a young age. The proprietary inoculation stems from a research article published …

Strike up the band. 33 year old Pro-Choice champion and activist Darneeka Jones has set a new world record for having her 16th abortion. An aspiring actress and present stay at home pet sitter, Darneeka believes abortion is a god given right and that by having this many abortions she …