Xbox may ban gamers that fail to receive future Corona vaccines

Nothing surprises us anymore. In and outlandish move, xbox CEO Phil Spencer is recommending a ban or restriction from the xbox and online gameplay if gamers do not participate in the up-and-coming covid 19 vaccine cure. The CEO States users will have their Xbox Live accounts restored once proof of vaccine documents are sent to the 3rd party authentication call centers.

In a response to Trump’s daily virus briefings which he so black heartedly dubbed the “China virus”, Tech giants across the world have started holding similar counter intelligence briefings, often discussing the importance of mandatory vaccines and Xenaphobia. All backed by their bipartisan fact checkers.

Pay pal, Twitter, Facebook Google and more Tech giants are getting on board every day.

Present spokesperson of Xbox, Phil Spencer, is being touted as a hero by many media outlets after his press briefings in which he suggested imposing restrictions on his platform for failing to take part in the newly found world vaccine reassurance program. He had this to say.

You guys know me as the face of Xbox, but after today just please call me Phil. Listen, we care. Covid19 has to be stopped. This global pandemic has hurt so many and we can not fight this invisible monster without giving up some of those outdated things outlined in our constitution. By doing this we will all be safer, and there will be a cure. We want to be safe… don’t we?

Doctor Fauci has teamed up with the world health organization and Bill Gates to release a cure to this epidemic. No, it’s not that hydroxy whatever. That stuff really isn’t proven to do anything. Microsoft backed fact checkers say it can actually kill you. Bill Gates’s vaccine scientists have already discredited every doctor who treats with that if they dare to claim positive findings, backed by Snopes and others. And if they continue to peddle that snake oil they are going to find themselves out of employment. Or worse. ***Phil held his finger to his neck, and then slowly across in a throat slitting gesture***.

That drug is fake news. Just check what Bill Gates has to say about it. Drug reps for these vaccine pharmaceutical companies are the real heroes, and tell us that their vaccines are going to be of premium stock. It’s going to be more expensive than those 10 cent pills? Probably.

But it’s not like those pharmaceutical represenitives showered us with financial incentives or impose their will on us in anyway because they didn’t.  ***Phil glances at his Rolex watch***. We believe these vaccines will need to be issued every year to combat the annual strain. You want to use Xbox Live? Do your duty and get the shot.

After sipping his Starbucks soy mocha latte with a satisfied smack of the lips, he continued with his briefing:

Bill Gates has suggested this global vaccine program in order to ensure results. Ankle bracelets as GPS track the unvaccinated to keep them away from high traffic areas. Some areas like Walmart and McDonalds will be permitted as essential. Or if you do the right thing, awesome armbands to proudly display if you have the proper vaccination.

That’s fine, but we will do our part as well. After Mr. Gates and doctor Fauci build their global vaccine tracking database they will be sharing that data with both Xbox and our sponsors. We then use our own database to cross reference this data. If you lack that year’s vaccine, you will be restricted on the platform. Initially it will be a 30 day ban.

Upload your vaccine certificate to one of our document checkers such as Snopes or Politifact, and rights will be restored for the calendar year as long as they say its not fake. They state lots of conservative gamers are prone to upload fake documents so you boys and girls better be on the up and up. The vaccine companies anticipate this Corona virus for the next 175 years, give or take a few years. So this will be a yearly thing. And please, stop asking about that hydroxy what ever. Those thousands cured and now immune….  totally coincidental.

Please stay tuned to the Tribune for future Tech Giant task force updates. Thoughts? Sound off in the comments below.