WHAT?! ASPCA caves to BLM, hires Michael Vick as spokesperson

The Tribune has recently spoke with ASPCA and BLM heads to figure out just how the agreement that put one of the most notorious faces in animal cruelty, Michel Vick came to be, as the new face of the ASPCA. The details are shocking,brave and ultimately stunning at the same time.

A humble Michael Vick was in tears as well today expressing gratitude to the animal rights groups stating: “once Fox hired me I knew I was untouchable. Much love to Shaun King of the BLM for making this match come true. Dogs have rights too. Bow Wow baby.” Vick said in an exclusive interview with CNN’s Don Lemon.

It is noteworthy to add that after the interview ended, the cameras accidentally continued rolling (and its footage has made its way to the Twitter platform) where Vick could be heard in a phone call made to an unknown recipient stating and we quote:

Listen n**ga put $500 on Spike. Drown that motherfu**er if he loses, but electrocute him first. Make the other losers watch.

What exactly does this mean? Don Lemon tells us not to “jump to conclusions” while Vick’s agent states the conversation revolved around a rap music video him and his brother are shooting and has nothing to do with dogs in any way.

So exactly how do these Two Worlds collide? All Michael Vick had to do (as directed by his agent) was apply for the job. The rest just fell into line in a funny, non coincidental sort of way. ASPCA CEO tells us:

At first one when we saw Vick’s resume hit our desk for spokesman, we laughed and laughed. And decided. We more than decided sided. Our VP said ‘never would we ever hire that piece of shit‘.

Boy that was a mistake. And before you knew it we had a phone call from Reggie Jenkins, a high-profile BLM lawyer who said that ‘calling a person of color a piece of shit was a racist correlation and there is no room for racism in 2020’. They had us, and were threatening to tell the internet of our ways unless the VP, head of Human Resources, step down. He did step down yesterday.

The other demand was to hire Michael Vick. We did. We at the ASPCA are NOT racist. I want to stress, we are NOT racist.

BLM activist Shaun King on Twitter today States: “this is a Monumental win for my people, but we will not stop here. We will systematically root out these racists from every position of power that they hold. We are so proud of Mister Vick’s victory today.”

ASPCA CEO also also attempted to show good faith by letting Snoop Dogg replace Sarah Mcglocktons contract (her heartfelt music commercials) with Snoop Dogg’s hit song “doggy style”.

More on the story as it unfolds.