Trump to Buy Black Lives Matter in the fall

NEW YORK – Trump Conglomerate industries announced today an agreement entered for the sale of the much controversial activist group “Black Lives Matter”.

“This is big… no, huge” Trump said before driving a 400 yard long drive from the Augusta fairway wearing a gold replica Masters Jacket autographed by Tiger Woods. “But the media doesn’t say a word, too busy attacking my administration. Fact is, we are connecting with African Americans in greater numbers than ever before. Its what we do, every day. America baby.”

As long as the deal goes through, Trump will acquire the BLM website, proprietorship of all assets, trademarks, logos and the ability to reach members of the group in great numbers. Trump cited concern over the groups hate for police, so the 1st order is going to be creating a rank and file system among the protest group, placing police officers of color at the top of this system to reach its members with a retooled message.

“Generals” as president Trump calls them.

Our generals will be reaching out to the community, on the ground. We are currently producing a video that will roll out on the new BLM website outlining crime statistics which should open a few eyes. They are, you know, FBI crime stats. I want to protect Black lives, because Black Lives do in fact matter. So are goal is to stop the source of all the black death. I’ll let you in on a secret… its not the police killing all the people of color. Its other people of color! It has to stop.

Trump said his heart churned a little faster when he saw the group’s “shit hole website.”

“They need a proper website first. And guess who is gonna pay for it? That’s right. Obama. We are creating a special tax pocket for all of Obama’s quietly funded protests against us, and we will be using the money to retool the BLM outfit. Its genius”. The site is going to have live feeds of all of the BLM’s future protests” Trump states.

Trump has also recruited several BLM members, most notably all of the Hell’s Angels and III%’s to join the BLM.

“Those guys are good guys. And they GET it. They care for many lives. All lives. Black lives. I bet they close the division gap too, bringing this great nation together again for a change”.

Barron Trump, Donald Trump’s youngest son, will serve as Black Lives Matter CEO.

“I am honored in so many ways, and my own sheer force of will to sacrifice greatly to enter the Black Lives Matter thing as one of you.” Barron told reporters. “For as long as I can remember, Dad has been the people’s champion. And now he’s become the champion of all people of color. I am proud to join my Dad in this endeavor.”

Barron Trump’s responsibilities include raising money for several of the best golf clubhouses in the nation, several pristine yacht clubs as well as fine establishments known to cater to the posh all over the nation.

Hillary had this to say, hacking phlem up with a terrible cough when asked about Trump’s acquisition of the BLM: “It’s all for show you know, everyone knows he is a RACIST. Resist”.

But Trump had the last laugh firing back on Twitter this morning:

That old horse, she is something, isn’t she? The old bag is doing nothing for the black race other than drumming up division. We are putting our light skin in the game.

You know what I have done for the black community. I did not win a life time achievement award inside the POC community for nothing. My businesses employee millions and millions of colored folk. While Hill and Bill were golfing at a restricted country club, I was giving African Americans all kinds of work in my places of business. Next I am going to liberate them from that vile hate group and truly unite our people. America.

What do you think of this move? Sound off in the comments.