Gender neutral couple hospitalized & jailed after getting head stuck in partner

MA – A Cambridge gender fluid couple were sent to the hospital last night and eventually jailed for a very awkward position where a man had his stead stuck inside of another man during a heated passionate encounter in which the police are calling “an unnatural and lascivious act with another person”.

Martin and Richard Cranium, a young couple from downtown Cambridge phoned in to 911 at roughly 11:00 pm last night to request emergency services. When the dispatcher Darneeka Jones heard the call she thought it was at first a practical joke:

The man with the softer voice told me that his husband had “fallen in the shower” and that his head was stuck in his rectal cavity. I was sure this was some sort of joke but as I looked around at my coworkers at the 911 center I did not see anyone from punk’d. Then I heard the “bullish” man with the deeper voice, and is voice was so muffled I sent the paramedics over to the apartment. I would hate to be at fault for the loss of oxygen that was clearly ensuing.

Even though Darneeka Jones had her questions of validity, the paramedics instantly understood the gravity of the situation as the men were suspended in mid air from some sort of makeshift swing. Not only was the man light on air but he was literally being strangled.

Winston Craft a veteran paramedic had this to say:

The man with the higher voice was in a LOT of pain. He would shout when ever the other guy moved which was quite often as he was fighting for air. He had 80% of his face buried in another mans ass. It must of been terrible.

The power couple was transported to a nearby St Patrick’s Hospital where doctors were able to separate the two with out much oxygen loss. Mr. Richard Cranium suffered from oxygen loss and Cerebral Hypoxia while his partner had severe internal bleeding that is now stable. Both could also suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome, most likely from the embarrassment of national media attention.

But to make matters worse for the couple the police arrested them shortly there after, citing archaic laws still on the books to justify the arrest, sending LBGTBBQ activists in an absolute frenzy.

In a horrific act of bigotry in an America that is never truly free, a dozen states still have anti-sodomy laws on the books 10 years after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled they are unconstitutional. Those states still have prohibited consensual sexual activity laws on the books that ban sodomy, though the language and the punishments in these laws can vary quite a bit.

For example the great state of Florida prohibits “any unnatural and lascivious act with another person,” which may be applicable to anal play, while Michigan criminalizes “the abominable and detestable crime against nature either with mankind or with any animal.”

And even though these State laws may not be fully enforceable anymore, law enforcement agencies all over the nation continue to use them to harass every day citizens and many state legislatures simply refuse to remove them. One such state is Florida where LBGTBBQ rights groups contend police have used anti-sodomy laws to target lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally and last but not least pansexual folk.

So we find it disheartening that this couple should be jailed for anything. In 2019 what happens in the bedroom should never be illegal. America is here for us all, better and worse.

Incidents like this one are rare, but hundreds of people are admitted to the hospital every year in the U.S. after getting things stuck in their rectum.

As rare as the sounds, over 6,000 American show up to local hospitals annually with foreign objects stuck in their rectums.

In May of 2018 a school teacher from NYC was rushed to the hospital after getting a vibrator stuck in his bum and decided to remove the stuck object by using a pair of salad tongs. It was all fun and games until the tongs also ended up lodged in the mans anus.

In January of 2019 a lawyer from Tennessee was reportedly showering with his cell phone when he allegedly slipped and fell, getting the phone lodged firmly up his hooter.

Other objects reportedly found in human anal cavity include batteries, children’s toys, fruit and vegetables, Matchbox cars and in Richard Gere’s case, a live gerbil.

Photo usage creative commons.