Domestic Violence Surges After NYC Women’s March

Weekend domestic violence sky rockets after the recent Women’s March organized by the ever growing facebook group@womensmarchonwash.

The march on Times Square by Saturday’s March For Women’s Rights Protesters sent shock waves over the nation for the weekend, as police departments everywhere have reported huge spikes in domestic violence calls since, and directly after the organized event. 911 centers across several metropolitan areas are literally experiencing outages causing battered and abused callers to receive dropped calls and even busy signals as the dispatchers attempt to keep up with the flood of emergency calls.

Out of the calls that typically made it through over the weekend, an extremely high percentage were from men calling in to report being beat or tortured by their significant others.

Dispatcher Jones from the Midtown call center says:

These ladies attended the Mid Town anti-man march, many of them fueled by mixed liquor drinks and Fuzzy naval wine coolers. They then spent hours brooding about how much they basically hate men. What did they think was going to come from this?

Out of all of the calls the most disturbing was of a man calling in to report an active dispute in which his girlfriend chased him around the house for over a half an hour with a metal chair leg over his masturbation habits. Apparently the perpetrator was no longer giving the victim sexual attention so the victim went into the shower to masturbate we were told, when she burst in after ripping up all of his baseball cards and comic books. She broke two of his ribs and his ankle with the chair leg because he found a “work around to the sex strike”. This is not a laughing matter.

Mike Peterson was available for comment but his concern was not his health, but his “PSA 9.4 graded 1st appearance of Wolverine comic book” that she ripped up after the march for payback to years of oppression.

In another case several deputy sheriffs in Lancaster Pennsylvania fought to bring one ornery girl to heel, as she was found on her front yard screaming at her boyfriend at the top of her lungs at 2 a.m. with the victims loaded .38 pistol in hand. As she was tackled from behind she could be heard screaming about his genitalia or as she put it — “the nightly occurring oppression at the dinner table by his filthy man-spreading, it is enough to drive any sane woman insane”.

In another case several women in pussy hats in Fargo North Dakota were seen outside of a downtown gentleman’s club called the Green Room, attacking male patrons as they exited the establishment, and not just verbally. Also by hurling empty glass bottles of organic cream soda at the victims while shouting cheers for their “high priestess Alyssa Milano”.

Also shocking enough were the numbers of women who were jailed or admitted into mental health institutions for committing extreme acts of violence. A change of a +1,500% since the same time a year before. Thousands of bearded men who have yet to learn how to change a tire, all over the nation, ended up in emergency rooms according to the fake news network CNN. Experts are positive this is from all the growing hate and division these protesters are manufacturing among their ranks.

Democratic Presidential Candidate Elizabeth Warren released a media statement in full American Indian garb that seemed to support the uptick in violence against men due to the marches. In the statement, Chief Warren reinforced her powerful quote to women that “we are stronger together.” before bellowing out a war cry that sounded like the old Cherokee calls of a long dead civilization.