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NY – after Cardi B’s installation of her new gold grill a particular problem arose, saliva. A lot of saliva. So much spit excretes from cardi B’s mouth when she raps because of her new gold underbite, that the first few rows of fans literally get “sprayed” to the point of dampness after just a few songs.
While this normally wouldn’t be a problem Cardi B came out last month as both HIV positive and infected with several variations of herpes. Cardi B fortunately is very forthcoming about her STD status, telling her fans:
Sheeeeeit ain’t nut but a lil’ skeet skeet ya heard? Yo Berrrrrrrrt! Badot badot badot. Ha ha ha ha!
But after a Las Vegas man contracted an aggressive form of Herpes that he said materialized overnight after being misted at one of Cardis concerts the CDC took the reins and halted the rest of her shows citing “risks to the General Public”.
CDC spokesperson Jeff Soto confirmed that the strain of the Las Vegas man’s aggressive form of Herpes came directly from Cardi B:
Our scientists have never seen anything like this. Cardi has several variations of herpes, herpes HSV1, HSV2, type C, hell she had all of them. But they mutated into a super a herpe that the boys at the lab are dubbing Herpiuscardeas type B, a strain that literally generates open sores in less than 2 hours. Until we get authorization to isolate Mrs. B, we can neutralize her exposure by canceling her shows. We are sorry in advance to her fans but this has become a health risk that we hope to end, and very soon.
It has been since rumored street gang the Bloods (who Cardi alleges to be a member of) have thrown her out of their private club after a gang initiation went sour as several high-ranking members contracted the unique herpes strain.
More on this most interesting story as it unfolds.
